It was an overwhelming surprise. I opened the card that came from lifetime friends expecting the usual Christmas greetings. Instead there was a check. My initial thought was we could provide Christmas for the kids. I held onto the card like a secret. I cataloged the possible expenses that always lurk in a family with kids, pets and old cars. Eye exams were coming up and it was possible we 'd need to take care of that. So I waited. Sure enough, the cost of the expensive new prescription for me was only partially covered by insurance. The money would go to making sure I could continue to read for a living, and there would be no Christmas presents.
Its part of stepping back -- providing only for your most urgent needs instead of lesser needs and wants.
I didn't turn down my sister when she asked for the kids' Christmas lists, explaining she wanted to give them gifts of necessities -- socks and underwear, a coat and boots for the one who needed them, pants and shirts for the child who grows at a dizzying rate.
Only one child voiced mild disappointment at not getting something fun. They've learned to hold their hopes and desires to themselves after overhearing conversations with words like mortgage, foreclosure and doctor bills.
And so, the holiday passes with as little fanfare as we can muster. Tired of the holiday long before it got here, I'm ready to pack away the ornaments and tree and return to the simpler worries of daily survival.
