Oh, and nothing makes you feel old like receiving a permanent disability placard from the DMV on your birthday.
I continue to work hard to make sure my family is provided for, and I'm grateful for my job as always.
A recent conversation turned to the fate of a family member who is in his 20's. As the speaker lamented the young man's low income and how hard it is for him to find a place to rent and to pay for necessities she brought up his actual pay. He makes as much as I do. I feel bad for his relationship status, and his other problems, but his supposed poverty is insulting.
Or maybe I'm just so very, very tired of my own struggle that someone else's just doesn't elicit the sort of sympathy it should.
It is the same bitterness I feel now when I think about someone who desperately needed money earlier this year. After many thank yous and promises to pay it back the next month, it wasn't. It was my own fault for letting someone else's desperation take precedence over my own planning. My desire to help someone else outweighed my good sense. That is a painfully expensive lesson.
There's a snowball effect too. I finally managed to maximize my efficiency at work so I was performing all of my tasks at a reasonably high quality with minimum issues and mistakes and in less time. But now that we are again out of savings I've had to ask for more work. I see less of my family and am increasingly bitter at people who don't value hard work in the same way.
I'm too tired to be effective at homeschooling the two kids who are still at home. I'm too tired and in too much pain to have any life outside of work. I dread the oncoming winter and holidays since I know it will be yet another year where I can't provide for my children.
So my life lessons this year are laced with ever-increasing bitterness. Eventually I hope to just get to the point where I don't feel bad about being bitter.
