Disappointment

One of the biggest disappointments in life as a poor family is that we are in no position to help.  Where once as middle class people, it was our duty, and joy, to help others however we could.  That little bit of peace that comes from simple goodwill is lost to us as every other middle class dollar and moment we had before.  That joy of being able to do something for someone else is gone as we simply try to take care of ourselves.  There is a very real and very disappointing feeling that comes from not being able to offer anything. It weighs as heavily on my heart as the fear of disaster--this lack of ability to help; this inability to do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

It started with the dogs. It usually does for me. I followed along as a local animal rescue posted on social media that they needed fosters, adopters, and help for a number of Australian Shepherds.  I love Aussies, and have always wanted the chance to train one and incorporate one into our family.  But knowing how much a project dog costs, I sadly turned away.  Only a day later, the email came.  A couple of years ago, I had been involved in a breed specific group as we rehabilitated a dog. I love the breed, so when the email came that the rescue wanted to know if I could take in a local one, I was heartbroken.  Its not just the money, its the physical requirements of training a large, undisciplined dog.  My love of large, unruly, herding and farm dogs doesn't work well with a bum knee, tender shoulder and empty pockets.

I see needs everywhere that I cannot meet.  People need able bodies to help and I can only turn away.  People any number of things that I could have easily found at one point in life and I can't do anything to help.  Its an awful feeling to be so selfish.