Self-pity

I admit it, I've been feeling unappreciated. Its one of the downsides of this life, or any I suppose. At home, I'm not as necessary, having taught my kids to be more self-sufficient. And I cannot tell you how much I rely on their abilities to cook, clean, care for the animals and keep the household running. All three of them are incredible people. This sufficiency is priceless and was and is worth all of the doubt and judgement that people expressed over my pushing the kids to learn from a very early age.

I rely on the kids so much. I need them here to do things that I just am unable to do now. And while I trust them and I trust their training and knowledge, I try not to take advantage of it. Its hard going from having a stay-at-home mom that was involved to having a working mom who is barely able to cope. I don't want them to feel like they have to take care of everything without a parent to help them.

So while I'm immensely proud of my children for stepping up when I work, I feel bad because I can't do it all.

This was one of those weeks. The kind that I struggle through the little challenges, and it seemed like there were so many of them. I did jobs that needed to be done but it was a struggle to do so. I felt like I supported everyone else in what they needed to do, but there wasn't a lot of support for me to draw upon. Its the nature of my position in both my personal and professional life.

And as I slogged through, the weekend looked no better. With my husband gone to take the oldest to summer camp, I've fought through the sleepless nights and exhausted days as the RP (responsible parent). And my second-born has done more than her share of the work to help me.

We should have celebrated Father's Day and our wedding anniversary today. The kids gave their dad his gift on Saturday morning before he left. I anticipated that my husband would be back tonight from his trip dropping the oldest off, but he decided to stay in Oregon another night instead. So beyond a couple of text messages our anniversary was overlooked.

So here I am, feeling a bit sorry that we missed our anniversary.  Feeling irritated that work didn't turn out the way I wanted this week and feeling exhausted.

There isn't a fix for it.  There is no vacation to escape. This is the day-to-day life of someone who is tired and overwhelmed.