Unrelenting fear

As we know by now, its the unrelenting fear that wears us down when facing poverty and pain. It eats at the mind -- always there, always mocking every effort, always making sure we know what the count is and how close to failure we are. Obviously, we've failed spectacularly over the past two years. And some of that failure we will never be able to remedy. We won't be able to erase it, or make it better with happy memories. The darkness of that failure will be carried forever. You can't erase mistakes in life.

So its with this new autumn that we prepare for the next round of challenges. With my oldest's brutally early schedule and my own late one we have to navigate how I can continue to be the mom she needs. For less than an hour every morning as she gets ready for the day I catch such tiny glimpses of what she is facing, learning and experiencing. Its hard to go from hours a day together to a few groggy minutes in the dark of morning.

I do what I have to do to keep my family sheltered from the approaching winter. I do what I can to ensure that we are safe. But its so difficult at times to hope that my choices aren't the reason my kids fail in their lives.