Advent: Peace

Peace?  Peace, this year?  How do we celebrate peace when the world is falling apart big time, and my little world is falling apart too?  How do I find peace when I wake up feeling at war with my own body?  How do I find peace when I'm filled with worry and fear?  How do I even think about contemplating peace when every little thing is against it?

It was a rough day, which followed a rough night.  I woke with no intention of leaving the house, and it made me angry and even sad.  I wanted to go to church.  I wanted to go out on a special shopping trip.  I wanted to be a part of Sunday humanity--not as fast pace as 3 Saturdays before Christmas humanity, I know my limits.  Instead, I spent the majority of the day medicating and icing my knee.  The bummer part of reinjuring it, is that it is extra hurty and painful.   I had no intention of finding anything to celebrate about peace today.  In my little tract house, there is no peace, so we'll not even consider the state of the world, in which I feel like I'm watching a renaissance of the dark ages approach.

All day, I've felt sorry for myself.  I'm supposed to start focusing on peace, and yet, I've lost hope--at least for the day.  I'm in Advent limbo, and my mood is too stilted to even try to get out.  And yet, this is exactly why we have Advent.  A season dedicated to seeing past the darkness of the world and looking for the Light.  A season where we look at how times have been bad before, where there was no hope, and no peace and we find it in God's plan for us.  I don't struggle as much with hope during Advent.  Hope is the future, and you can look past the here and now in order to hope.  Its the idea of being at peace that I struggle with.  I worry so much.  I fear so much.  I see so much sadness, anger and fighting in the world.  Its peace, even small peace that I struggle to find and hold on to.

I had my weeks out of order, I wanted to celebrate love this week, which is easier.  I wanted to put off peace, until I had hope and joy and love and felt good about life.  Its easier to find peace when life is full of hope and joy and love.  But that's not the way it goes.  So this week, I'll focus on calming the fear and worry, the anger and sadness, and I'll find peace.