Its been 8 days since I received the call that they wanted to hire me.
Its been 7 days since I hated my life.
Its been 6 days since I leaked frustration, anger and fear from my eyes.
Its been 5 days since I worried about how my crutches and problems would be received.
Its been 4 days since I started my new job.
I didn't realize just exactly how destroyed I am by this life of poverty and struggling. It's slightly horrifying that I can see the lack of confidence in my work and in how I interact with my new coworkers. Once, I would have approached this position quite boldly and with no question of my own abilities--now, I'm not as confident.
I am grateful. I work just enough hours to avoid the obligations of free work and poor school. I no longer have to deal with a job coach that treated me like my damaged knees were directly connected to my ability to reason.
Today, I will continue to dig myself out of this grave I've fallen into. I will hide the fear that lives in my chest and I will try to overcome the doubts which continuously niggle at the back of my mind. As I learn my job and responsibilities I might just find myself again--wouldn't that be nice?
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