I have set a date for arthroscopic surgery on my knee, and it will be August 25th. There is that skip of doubt that hangs over the date, and I'm sure as it approaches I will become less sure of the course of action. The MRI I had at the beginning of July showed that I did not have a torn meniscus, instead there is other damage to the knee. The purpose of the scope is to identify and possibly repair any damage that the MRI did not identify. While MRIs are the gold standard in medical imaging for most knee problems, my doctor explained they do not show where ligaments attach to the bone 80 percent of the time.
We have so many things going wrong on a regular basis, and I know that the drawback of pursuing a diagnosis and plan to fix my knee is expensive. The money that goes to this surgery and all of the costs associated with it should be spent on a reliable vehicle that fits our family. No amount of considering that walking without the use of crutches or pain somehow benefits my family will convince me that my knee is more valuable than having a family car. Knowing that I might be jeopardizing us financially to the point that we will still lose our home weighs on every thought that goes into this decision. Fearing that my ability to work well will be compromised or that I will miss too much time too soon after being hired is reason enough to pause before committing to surgery.
Yet my husband urges me to keep the date and to try not to worry. Perhaps this will be the change we need in order to rise out of the despair that blankets us.
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