Don't say you'll pray for me

I have a surgery date. And now that I do, I wrestle with what it means. I agonize over the financial implications--missing work, taking on an enormous debt that could be spent to better the family.

See, I can fulfill a purpose without the surgery. I can drag myself to work on my crutches everyday and it doesn't matter.  I don't have to stand for 8 hours a day. I work at a desk, and I get up to take care of a few things occasionally. I don't carry anything beyond a few sheets of paper at a time, or whatever fits into the denim pocket attached to my crutch. So I don't need to be able to walk well in my job. Would it be nice to be able to run out for a quick errand without considering the entire process and if its achievable? Yes. Is it necessary for me to do my job? No.

I posted on Facebook about this date. I got a few praying for you comments. I wish people wouldn't say that. I know for some people its a way to express that they care about us from across long distances. These are the same people who would actually help us if we lived closer than 250 miles away.

But there are the people who live nearby and who don't actually care beyond the gossip factor of the news. It doesn't change how they act and it doesn't change what they think. It doesn't change how they judge my family. And their offer of prayers certainly don't mean that they care enough to offer anything more than meaningless words.

This doesn't mean that I don't believe in prayer or God. It means that I don't believe in people who use meaningless church words to make themselves feel better. It means that fake words don't provide comfort to anyone but the person who says them.

So don't say you'll pray for me unless you truly intend to. Don't say that you'll commit to sacrificing time and energy to God on my behalf if you won't follow through. Because those words mean as much as an 8-year-old forced to say grace by rote at the dinner table when he's really hungry. Don't make a fake commitment to pray for someone when you don't know what else to say.