Affairs of the Heart... er... Knee

I really struggle with my knee.  Its getting worse, and while I consider myself to be fairly reasonable and even a bit stoic, I find myself unable to steel myself against the pain as well as I used to.  Perhaps its the longevity that is breaking me more often.  Morning, night and all hours between, it is a constant companion.  At first, I thought that I was just being weak and unable to manage a common injury.

I took to heart those horrible words about how poor people, and people on welfare, just pretend they are hurt, pretend they are disabled, pretend they can't work. Since I am one of those people now, this must mean I pretend that I'm in pain in order to get more from the government and give less back.  I did my best to hide the pain, to reject the crutches, to ignore the implications.  And yet, none of that has helped.  None of it actually helps me walk, or takes the pain away.  I wish I was just pretending that this injury was stealing my quality of life from me.  Then I would be able to stop the sham, and regain the fun and joy in being a wife, in homeschooling my children, regain the excitement and ability to fish, camp, hike and cook, regain the ability to do.  With regaining the ability to do, I would regain more than the ability to work.  I haven't just lost work with this, I've lost the ability to enjoy my life.

Idaho doesn't recognize temporary disability, and a treatable injury is a temporary disability.  Because of this, I cannot ask for any sort of accommodations.  When I awkwardly clomp on my crutches through the doors of an office to interview, I am obligated to tell them I am not disabled.  I cannot ask for any accommodations in the job, even when its obvious that I will need them.  This means I have no protections against discrimination, which leaves me in an unfortunate loop.  I cannot get a job which would allow me the financial ability to treat my knee.  If I continue with my knee untreated, I cannot get a job.  If given the option of hiring between two people with similar skills, employers will choose the fully able-bodied person, or they will choose the person who they know has legal protection.  They will not choose someone who might miss work or looks like they might need to take time off for medical reasons.

And with that said, I will spend this weekend preparing for an interview for a position I want, in a office I would enjoy working in.  I will be well-researched, ready and excited.  I will squelch the fears, and the knowledge that I am at a disadvantage, and I will be ready.  Maybe this will be the panel of interviewers that look past my knee injury and see that I am a capable candidate regardless of my crutches.