I am humbled

When I started this little blog it was an exercise in organizing my thoughts with the hopes of maybe opening  eyes. I was filled with anger, hurt, humiliation and pain that my friends, my relatives--people I love, were blindly posting on social media hateful opinions about how despicable poor people are.  They--my friends, my family--were posting that they wanted to see people who were already humiliated and broken, further humiliated and further broken.  Broken to the point that they disappeared and didn't exist.  And with that, I wished I didn't exist.  I wished that I could go on pretending to still be middle class.  I wished with all my heart that my friends and family wouldn't hate me because I decided feeding my children was more important than maintaining an image.  My hope was that I would feel better, and that my experience would help someone else feel better about struggling to survive.  And perhaps by putting the clean, black words onto the screen, I could cleanse myself of all of the anxiety and fear that comes with watching my little world burn out into a mess of ashes.

I've been on the receiving end of some wonderful support, but also some painful criticism and hurtful actions.  Let me tell you something, its surprising to be criticized for making sure your children are safe and fed.  It hurts to be told you are wrong to hope that things will get better.  It hurts to be told that you are the reason society is failing. It hurts to be attacked on why you haven't sold all of your belongings and become homeless over taking state charity.

For all these hateful things directed at me, I've read words of support and love. I've talked to friends and families who have been in this position, or close to it, or only by the grace of God have been able to avoid it.  I read words of encouragement and prayers.  These things alone make this load less of a burden for us.  I never, ever expected the outpouring of kindness and care that I've received in the past couple of days.  For this I am humbled and reminded of how sweet and precious each and every person in my life--even the anonymous ones--are.  Thank you.