Cynic Shaming, or When Optimists Attack

It started with an article about cynicism in the church. I read it, then searched the source paired with the word cynical only to find that this outlet frequently publishes articles against cynicism and pessimism. I wonder about writers exhorting the reader to abandon cynicism and turn away from their pessimist attitudes. Do they understand what brings on such an outlook? There is so much that goes into becoming harshly cynical, that shaming articles and dire warnings that pessimism causes dementia mean nothing.

My husband and I have never been accused of being positive or optimists. We've bordered on cynical and pessimistic for as long as we've known one another and our particular brands of sarcasm drew us together so many years ago. As teenagers we honed our cynicism in church groups while discovering the world was kind only to the privileged and wealthy, unless you could offer something else valuable to the group. Sometimes the only thing you had to offer was the bad example, which we were. The long term relationship spanning high school was supposedly doomed to failure within a year of marriage.  Our near 22 years might be a disappointment to some. I'm guessing by now they've all easily forgotten their condemnation of us, but we haven't.  When church leaders condemn you, it leaves a lasting impression.

Don't get me wrong, we had optimistic times. There were times when we even had enough of our own hope to support others in their hard times. We had fellowship and support, and thus we could offer the same. We had enough to offer hospitality and encouragement. Because we had support, we could offer the same to others. But support and fellowship don't have long-lasting effects once they stop. When we moved to a different state we once again had to try to carve out a place in a harsh new town.

Its hard to maintain optimism in life when scant few friends remain by your side during difficult times. You fear draining any hope they might have with your own distress. Especially if you know that what you face isn't within their circle of understanding. These hard times are when you find out who cares enough to offer support and friendship and who is suddenly too busy to stand with you through the challenges. Its when you become more and more cynical as you see just how little you meant to your community.

I wonder if the people who condemn the pessimist and the cynic understand that they are part of the problem. Instead of condemnation, its time to offer something useful. Instead of shaming people into abandoning their cynical nature, perhaps its time to offer friendship and support. You can never undo what your friends have seen or experienced, but you can show that you care enough to stand by them.