It's late, or maybe early depending on how you look at it. I lie in bed wishing the cocktail of NSAIDs would at least take the edge off the pain in my leg and back enough that I could win the fight for sleep. But like so many nights, pain is winning out over much needed sleep.
As I try to visualize pain receding, think positive thoughts and pray for relief, my mind replays the conversation I had with a friend earlier in the day. We talked about how the Medicaid gap affects my family. Now, many hours later, I wish I had told her the most simplified version: I have to choose between homelessness or pain. I have a family. I have no choice but to live in pain.
Our mortgage lender extended us a hardship forbearance that allows us to pay a minimal amount while we struggle to get back on our feet. In exchange, we must not modify the house or let it fall into disrepair. We must live in the house and take care of it. We also may not authorize any liens against the property. If we fail to meet these conditions, the lender will fast track foreclosure proceedings and we will lose our home.
The county places a lien against any real property a person possesses if she receives help to pay for medical costs through indigent services. St. Luke's, the medical system in our area, also places a lien against property if a person applies for charity aid. This information is found on both the paperwork and the websites.
So on nights like tonight when the mix of medications doesn't make a difference, I get out of bed and sit in the dark living room of my home--miserable, but not homeless.
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