I'm required to document the time I spend searching for work or jumping through hoops on a time sheet. I'm required to spend time attending workshops, classes and meetings in addition to my job search. I'm required to sign up and interview with temporary employment and staffing agencies. What bothers me most about these requirements is that I am treated as though I have all the time in the world and am unilaterally flexible.
I spend time filling out online applications, only to be required to fill out the exact same application on paper. I show up within the 10 minute window of politeness, only to be forced to wait while the employees at the staffing agency waste an additional 20 minutes of time taking selfies, laughing and carrying on like a bunch of duck-faced, junior high girls. I go to meetings with my case manager who is running 45 minutes behind schedule. This is absolutely ridiculous. Why am I not allowed the dignity of a timely appointment? Why is my time not valued? I may be in need of help but that is no reason to not schedule/reschedule so that I can make better use of my time. Why am I required to behave professionally, but the "professional" are not?
In addition to the fact that this waste of time is obnoxious, its painful. It is physically painful for me to wait in chairs that can't accommodate my back and knee problems. I sit with frissons of pain shooting through my left knee and leg, while my back spasms when I try lean against the chair. I stand on my crutches, then sit again in order to try and relieve the worsening pain. My knee swells orange size, then grapefruit, then to the size of a large pumelo, as I'm forced to wait. By the time I get to the car I can barely lift myself into the driver's seat. I hobble in to my house and beg the children for help in getting the pillow, ice packs, and pain relievers that are just too late to alleviate the pain. I know that this will set me back the rest of the day and probably several days.
Its not that I mind the forced job hunt so much, as I was already looking for work. Its not that I mind the injury so much, as I tend to understand it and how it works. Its combining the work search with a worsening injury and being treated as a person who is not worth any sort of respect. If you ever wonder why it seems you can identify poor people, its because they are treated as subhuman. They seem to lack self-respect, because they are shown very little respect. It doesn't take long to break down and accept that you aren't worth a minute of anyone's time.
Hey Bethany! I just read all your entries in this new blog of yours. Writing is a good way to release "steam", and you are surely in a situation right now that needs some venting opportunities. I've been in your shoes; married to an unemployed man, with 3 school-age children, personally suffering physical back pain requiring major surgery, surviving on welfare at the same time, eating with food stamps, holiday food baskets and church food closets. During all this we lived at various times without running water or flushing toilet, without a car, without a phone or television, and with all the kids sleeping in one bed. But God ALWAYS met our NEEDS. ALWAYS! Looking back on those years I realize how my faith in God grew by leaps and bounds during that difficult time. My relationship with the Lord deepened in a way that good times just don't allow. I learned to thank God each day for what we DID have instead of focusing on what we didn't have. More then once I was insulted by folks down at the welfare office, but I tried to be a happy person with a positive attitude when there. I saw clearly how much crap they got dished out on them by many clients, and I didn't want to be one of "those clients". My cheerful disposition, as hard as it was to fake at times, paid off in big ways eventually. One employee became one of my biggest supporters! I guess my acting skills came in very handy while on welfare. These are just a few of the thoughts that came to me as I read your blog entries. I'm praying the Lord will teach you and your family many things during this time of trials, and that you feel God's presence in a powerful way! I'm praying for you!
ReplyDeleteThank you April. Prayers are coveted and vastly appreciated.
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